There Are Three Forms Of Parental Education;
What are the consequences for the children?
Does this column start from a remark heard recently: “Today’s young people, they need a good slap and it would go straight,” but are we so sure? I have chosen this week to describe the three education models and their impact on today’s children and the adults they will become.
Does this column start from a remark heard recently: “Today’s young people, they need a good slap and it would go straight,” but are we so sure? Nathalie Vancrayenest has chosen this week to describe the three education models and their impact on today’s children and the adults they will become.
Perfection in education does not exist, and I do not want it; it would cause too much pressure and control! And of course, there are also as many education variants as there are families. But let’s take a look at the predominant models in education.
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Authoritarianism, The Authority Of Power
This form of authority often uses educational violence, so regretted by some. This education is based on the domination of the child, the control that the parent exercises over him, and the punishment as soon as the child no longer corresponds to the parental model. The parent uses threats, blackmail, educational violence (spanking, corner, deprivation, vexation, humiliation). This training method is easy to apply requires zero questioning “I am the boss, you are silent, and you obey! And in addition, it gives a first rather satisfactory result.
But here, under this veneer of “perfection,” hides a very sad reality: the child. The child obeys out of fear: the fear of being rejected, of being hurt, of being humiliated, of no longer being loved, of not being up to it, of being abandoned. He will come to reject the slightest responsibility on another, even if it means lying, concealing.
His relationship with the parent is built on hate, fear, mistrust. In the event of difficulty [harassment, pedophilia, stupidity, etc.], he will not have built enough trust with them to open up and say what he wants. In adolescence, this education will push the youngster into risky behavior [alcohol, drugs, gangs, etc.] unless he is completely inhibited with very low self-esteem.
This authority encourages the child to resist or flee. The child opposes by manipulating. He lies to cover himself; he disobeys as soon as power is absent. “When cat is not there, the mice dance”: for responsibility and autonomy, there is better!
He becomes an adult who rejects all constraints and respects the laws and rules when the fear of the police is present, but he does not integrate them as a protective standard for him and others.
Lack Of Authority Or Educational Laxity
On the other side of education methods, we find the refusal of authority, laxity, and demagogy.
In this education, everything is allowed! Here, the parents live in fear: the fear of losing their child’s love by frustrating them (1). Threats are never carried out. The rules are absent, like the constraints and the limits. The child encounters nothing to structure himself.
Without a structure to grow, children often face problems fitting in at school. Of a selfish nature, they are in difficulty in relationships with others. Learning and its constraints [mathematics, science, writing… follow the rules] will be a source of frustration and discouragement. This education makes them passive; they receive before they have desired, which keeps them immature.
This absence of parental authority also generates a great deal of anxiety. Nothing is predictable in this child’s world; there are no logical links, the child never knows what is right or wrong. Therefore, he is in permanent doubt [unconsciously]; moreover, if nothing is certain, how do you do if the adult is capable of protecting him?
This child who has become an adult will remain immature with a need for immediate satisfaction. He will live with the impression that the rules are binding and will be inclined to break them.